Just call me q

A woman contemplating life, incognito

Are these trousers or my legs?





I have decades of cake-eating under my belt…

and it shows!


root vegetable legs thighs cakes weight big botty bottom justcallmeq Q queline


(See? Told you it was 12 words…)

Oh, no… now it’s 19…

No, it’s not; it’s 24…

No, it’s…

Oh, this could go on forever.




Help! I’m having a breakdown – a collagen breakdown



collagen breakdown ageing aging wrinkles crepey crepy saggy skin justcallmeq Q queline


The other night I had a dream and this how it went:


Me: Doc, can you help me? I think I’m having a breakdown.

Doc: Okay, Q. Talk me through your symptoms, why don’t you?

Me: Well, alright.

1) My skin is really dry and I seem to have way more wrinkles than I used to,

2) my legs have lost their muscle definition and my knees are beginning to sag,

3) the skin on my upper arm has lost its elasticity and is beginning to look all crepey and (last one, Doc, and I’m done)

4) it’s getting thinner in all the wrong places (and by that I mean everywhere except for my butt).

Doc: Now, look. Let me stop you right there! These are not the signs of a person experiencing a decline in their…  Ugghhh! Just STOP wasting my time, will you, and get OUT of my office RIGHT NOW!

Me: No, no, Doc. I think there’s been a misunderstanding… I’m having a collagen breakdown.

Doc: OUT!!

collagen breakdown wrinkles saggy crey crepey skin agin ageing justcallmeq Q queline


Actually, I didn’t dream this but I’ve been having a few problems with my skin of late and… I know that the break down of collagen is an unavoidable part of the aging process and… I know that we all have to age but I swear that – some – days I can almost see myself decomposing. Oh, where, oh, where will it end? 

Silly question!

collagen breakdown justcallmeq Q queline cartoon coffin



Pink and flamingos (Part two)



Hey. I’ve just realized… I’m incognito. 

You can’t tell me if you like my curtains or not, can you? 

So I will never know…

My question will forever remain unanswered…

When I am aged 105, sitting in my pink rocking chair on my pink back porch looking out onto my – what will be, by then – vast collection of pink lawn flamingos, it will be a mystery that I shall forever ponder…

Did you or didn’t you like my pink flamingo curtains?

Tell me!!! Please… 


Don Featherstone iconic plastic pink flamingo justcallmeq Q queline

Don Featherstone was a wonderful wonderful man. How bare my lawn would be without him…




Did I tell you that I like pink and flamingos? (Part one)



Did I tell you that I like pink and flamingos? Oh, well, I do. In fact, here… take a look and I’ll show you how much:


pink flamingo palm tree bathroom curtain retro kitsch justcallmeq Q queline


This is the window in my downstairs bathroom. Do you like my curtains? Yes, they’re the ones the next door neighbour’s cat ripped to shreds when he got stuck in there overnight.


pink flamingo bathroom curtain palm tree retro kitsch justcallmeq Q queline


And here is a framed postcard of a flamingo. (I like red too… especially if it’s combined with pink. And if you were to add yellow to that colour combo then, well… I’d be in heaven.) And can you see the curtains again? Yes, they’re great, aren’t they? Luckily I was able to sew them up with some very careful stitching. So let me ask you again… do you like my curtains? 

  pink flamingo palm tree retro kitsch vintage ornament bathroom justcallmeq Q queline


And finally, here is the mirror in my downstairs bathroom. Look carefully in the reflection and you will see a pink shelf and a pink door frame and another shot of the curtains. What do you think? I have great taste? Well, thankyou. Yes, I do and you’re too kind. Now, for the last time, and I’m trying to stay very calm, and I absolutely refuse to shout but… DO YOU LIKE MY CURTAINS?!


Well? I can wait…


Yes, I can…


So I will…


I’m still here. 


(Dum dee dum…)





Oh, you know what? Never mind. I’m off. Goodbye.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥





(Oh, it’s no good. I can’t leave it like this. It’s just not who I am. I’m going to finish this properly…)

So, as you can see from the above, I really do like pink and flamingos; and that’s only one room. In fact, some days, I actually think I like them more than I love Toblerone and cake and my cat and my chickens and my family and my… Oh, my goodness! Did I actually just write that? What on earth are the cat and the chickens going to think of me?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

(Okay, so now I’m finished.)








By the way… do you?