Today I’m thinking about bees…
because I’ve got some in the roof-space of my summer house and I’m too scared to go in there in-case they attack me.
I’ve done a Google search and – I’m not 100% sure but – I think that they might be bumblebees (rather than honey bees) because they’re round and fluffy, they have black bodies with a yellow stripe and a big white bottom. (Actually, that last bit sounds like me. Perhaps I’m part bumblebee… Mmm, maybe I should get my family tree checked out, you know, to make sure there are no nests in there…)
Anyway, I’ve decided to get a registered beekeeper to come out and take a look because if they are bumble bees then they’re classified as an endangered species and that means they’re going to have to stay there for the duration. (Great. How am I gonna get my inflatable flamingo out of the summer house now, then?)
And then, if they turn out to be honey bees, I’m going to have to empty the summer house, disconnect the strip lighting and then saw a hole in the ceiling so that the beekeeper can get the (lovely) little blighters out so he can take them back to his hive. Arghh. I don’t know which one’s worse. Actually, yes I do: the second one. The absolute faff of it all.
Still, at least it’ll give me the opportunity to ask the bloke the following Very Important Questions:
a) What do I do if they go to attack me (apart from run round the garden screaming hysterically)?
b) How can I encourage them to come back next summer but in a different location?
and top of the list…
c) On a scale of 1-10 how embarrassed do you think they are about having such big, white bottoms?!