Just call me q

A woman contemplating life, incognito

Christmas With A Cold Cat And A Sick Chick…


Cartoon picture of presents, Toblerone, alcohol, turkey and sweets


I normally cherish the memories that the festive period brings. But, this year, I will be trying very hard to forget.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a total disaster. Food was consumed, drink got drunk and pressies were opened, but it was somewhat marred by the fact that the cat and one of the chickens had a rotten time.

A Cold Cat

The cat spent most of her time sitting in front of one of three oil-filled electric rads trying to keep warm (because my boiler is bust and the house is freezing). This had the effect of making her feel drowsy, which meant she kept nodding off and burning the tip of her nose on the rad, which made me feel bad because I should have sorted the boiler out weeks ago. And then, the one and only time that she ventured onto the windowsill for a quick look-see, the poor thing promptly sneezed and headbutted the glass, which set off a two minute uncontrollable fit of sneezing, which made me feel even worse.


Photo of a cold black cat in front of a radiator


A Sick Chick

And as for the chicken, well, she fell ill about six days ago so, in the spirit of Christmas, I bought her indoors (in a box on the dining room floor, to be more precise) to give her some TLC and to plump her up a bit. This appeared to be a good move until the aroma of ‘sick chick’ threatened to overpower my Marks and Spencer’s Mandarin, Clove and Cinnamon candles and so she was promptly returned to the hen house.


Photo of ex-battery chicken in a box and feeling ill


My Plans

And, you know, I don’t blame the cat for guilt-tripping me (goodness, no, it’s not her fault). And who knows quite what is going on inside the body of chicken Number Three. But I think that, to increase the odds of me making slightly better festive memories next year, I’m going to chase my boiler man up tomorrow to make sure that he is coming to fix my boiler on the 3rd Jan (like he said he would) and then I’m going to nip down to M&S for some more of those scented candles I was on about. I’m also going to see if I can get myself a provisional invite to someone else’s house for next Christmas too, but don’t tell the chicken and the cat, will you? No, cos – I’m not being funny but – they don’t really need to know…  

Cartoon picture of M&S Mandarin, Clove & Cinnamon candles

Dear Twitter, I am (temporarily) leaving you…


My Dearest Darling Twitter,

It is with heavy heart and deep regret that I have to inform you… I am (temporarily) leaving you.

We seem to have been spending an inordinate amount of time together recently; so much so that everything else has gone by the wayside.

My chickens are having to collect their own eggs. (Yes, Twitter, you didn’t know that I kept hens, did you? No, well, they’re ex-batts and they’re great and I’ll tell you about them some time.)

Twitter ex-battery chickens bhwt Floppy Semi Fork Pam backyard hens justcallmeq Q queline


The cat thinks I’ve died; it’s been so long since she’s been fed.


Twitter cat justcallmeq Q queline


And my house is so disgustingly messy that it required a good ten minutes, the other morning, persuading the postman that I hadn’t been burgled (and I’m not sure he quite believed me even then).

But, dear Twitter, my dad coming round…

seeing my wet-suit hanging up in the utility room…

and saying “why is it so distorted?” is the main reason that I am (temporarily) leaving you.


Twitter big botty bottom bodyboarding justcallmeq Q queline


Yes, because I have exactly two weeks to reduce the size of my backside before I go body-boarding in Cornwall. Please wish me luck. I think I’m going to need it.

Yours truly

Q xxx