Just call me q

A woman contemplating life, incognito

Introducing 2-D Topiary (aka Mowing Shapes On Your Lawn)


Well, I must say that I am very excited to have recently discovered a new and (I think very much) improved way of gardening, thanks to an interesting article that I read by an entomologist called Douglas Boyes called Obsessive Tidiness Disorder.

Yes, he suggested that we learn to stop worrying about the state of our garden/farm-land/public green space and start to love nature in all its messiness instead. (Fine by me; I love messy.)

Photo of two pink Don Featherstone lawn flamingos in a garden
ALL of my garden is messy so I can only show you this bit, soz…

He also said – with reference to our gardens – that if we purposely neaten parts of it (for example, have an area of short grass or tidy edges) then the areas that have been left wild will look acceptable too.

spring flowers grape hyacinths daffodils cartoon

And so, inspired by this fantastic read, I have decided to #saynotothemow in various part of my garden to encourage birds and bees and, well, anything that wants to pop by, really.

Photo of grass with the words #saynotothemow on it

I am also going to fully embrace the idea of 2-D Topiary (I’m gonna trade-mark that, by the way) aka Horizontal Topiary (that too) aka mowing shapes on your lawn (but not that) and I am extremely excited about it.

Cartoon picture of the word 2-D Topiary (with TM beside it)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go because I’ve got the mower on stand-by and a giant piece of tracing paper in the shape of a flamingo pinned to the back lawn. Yep…Wish me luck!

Cartoon picture of a stick person mowing the lawn with a piece of tracing paper on the grass in the shape of a flamingo

Today I’m thinking about bees…


Today I’m thinking about bees…

because I’ve got some in the roof-space of my summer house and I’m too scared to go in there in-case they attack me.

Cartoon picture of bumble bees flying towards a summer house with speech bubbles

I’ve done a Google search and – I’m not 100% sure but – I think that they might be bumblebees (rather than honey bees) because they’re round and fluffy, they have black bodies with a yellow stripe and a big white bottom. (Actually, that last bit sounds like me. Perhaps I’m part bumblebee… Mmm, maybe I should get my family tree checked out, you know, to make sure there are no nests in there…)

Cartoon picture pf a bumble bee talking with speech bubble

Anyway, I’ve decided to get a registered beekeeper to come out and take a look because if they are bumble bees then they’re classified as an endangered species and that means they’re going to have to stay there for the duration. (Great. How am I gonna get my inflatable flamingo out of the summer house now, then?)

Photo of a sad-looking inflatable flamingo on water with cartoon speech bubble

And then, if they turn out to be honey bees, I’m going to have to empty the summer house, disconnect the strip lighting and then saw a hole in the ceiling so that the beekeeper can get the (lovely) little blighters out so he can take them back to his hive. Arghh. I don’t know which one’s worse. Actually, yes I do: the second one. The absolute faff of it all.

Cartoon picture of person holding a hammer and saw and cartoon speech bubble

Still, at least it’ll give me the opportunity to ask the bloke the following Very Important Questions:

a) What do I do if they go to attack me (apart from run round the garden screaming hysterically)?

b) How can I encourage them to come back next summer but in a different location?

and top of the list…

c) On a scale of 1-10 how embarrassed do you think they are about having such big, white bottoms?!

Cartoon picture of a bee's behind with speech bubble talking

A Poem To Greta Thunberg…


On 12th March 2019 young people and children all over the world marched AGAIN for #climatechange, as did Greta Thunberg who started the whole fabulous #climatechange strike marches. Let’s hope the adults listen before it’s too late.

Dear Greta,

seeing what you

and all the other young people do

makes me want to be

a better person.

Love from Q x

Part of a climatechange poster of the earth burning with the caption #climatechange Let's sort it out...
Photo of a #climatechange chalk writing on stone slabs saying "keep plastic out of the ocean"
Photo of a #climatechange chalk writing on stone slabs saying "climate change is worse than homework".
Photo of a #climatechange chalk writing saying "love our round planet".
Photo of #climatechange chalk writing saying "earn less, buy less, live more".
Photo of #climatechange chalk writing saying "2048 no fish in our ocean".

A Poem About #Plastic & Whales & Supermarkets…


I wrote this poem (on Twitter) to @BBCEarth  and @BBCScienceNews after reading about the poor juvenile whale in the Philippines that died recently and was found to have 40kg of plastic in its stomach. It’s so sad but what’s even sadder is that it’s not an isolated incident.

Here’s the news link if you want to read it:


Dear @asda & @Tesco & @sainsburys & @waitrose & @marksandspencer & @AldiUK & @LidlGB & everyone else,

“It makes me so sad to see this whale.

He’s a victim of #plasticpollution.

Please RAISE THE PRICE of your #plastic bags

Until we can find a solution.”

Love from Q x

Dear @GreenpeaceUK…

Cartoon picture of two people sitting at a table talking about #plastic (with speech bubbles).

Last night I confessed

to my friend, “I’m obsessed,”

(when she came round my house for some tea)

“’bout the stuff in my bin

and the world we live in;

 and I want to go #plasticfree.”

Photo of a bamboo eco-friendly flamingo pictured coffee cup.

She said “what… #noplastic?

Well, that sounds fantastic.

If you want I can join in too.

We’ll do #PlasticFreeLent,

help the #environment

and use cups made of glass or bamboo.”

Cartoon picture of person with megaphone and wearing a black cloak with slogan #singleuseplastic must stop.

“Yes, we’ll #breakfreefromplastic;

it wont be that drastic.

We’ll use hessian bags when we shop.

And tell @asda and @tesco and @aldi and the rest – o

that #singleuseplastic must stop.”

Cartoon picture of a wheelie-bin and a devil and an angel's head wither side to symbolize #hero and #zero.

“And, yes, we will vow”

(It was my turn now)

“to make #plastic a #MortalSin.

 #Biodegradable = #hero,

# nonrecyclable = #zero;

and only heroes get to go in my bin.”

Cartoon picture of two people slumped over a table talking about Greenpeace.

And we chatted excitedly

 well into the night (edly?),

and at dawn I said “I know who

might know the solution

to #plasticpollution;

It’s #greenpeace so, tell me. Do you?”

Love from Q x