Just call me q

A woman contemplating life, incognito

Keratosis Pilaris Part Two: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Nov
30

 

Having Keratosis Pilaris (or ‘chicken skin’ as cruel people like to call it) is a curse – make no mistake about it. But, sometimes – and I feel a bit strange saying this but nobody knows me so it doesn’t matter – I actually quite enjoy having it.

Yes, because when there’s not much on the telly, and after I’ve fed the cat and put the chickens to bed, I love nothing more than to sit with my legs propped up – a pair of tweezers in one hand and a hot chocolate in the other – and to hunt for any lower leg hairs that have become trapped, through no fault of their own, under my skin.

 

cartoon picture of plucking leg hair with tweezers

 

And, you know, I can’t tell you the amount of hours that I’ve idled away carrying out this quite gross but actually extremely necessary activity (it’s probably double-figures) but I never tire of it… because no hair is ever the same.

Sometimes I get a long one, sometimes I get a curled-up one and sometimes I hit the jackpot with a ‘doubler.’ Woo-hoo! Two for the price of one.

 

cartoon picture of hair follicles

 

And what can I compare the pleasure of plucking to?

Metal-detecting, I suppose… yes, it’s exactly like metal-detecting. You go over the same area a couple of times – “blip-blip” nothing – and then “bleeeeep” you get a doubler. It’s so exciting.

And when I’m done I always feel a slight sense of sadness… but not for long…

because Keratosis Pilaris is the gift that keeps on giving and I know that, provided I don’t use my skin-mitt or flannel or skin-brush for a week or so, they’ll be back and – yeay! – it’ll be ‘tweezer and hot choccy time’ again. I can’t wait.

 

cartoon picture of woman with hot chocolate and pair of tweezers

 

What the cluck! I’m turning into a chicken…

Aug
31

 

Help!

I’ve got these horrible little bumps all over my arms and my legs that make me look like a freshly plucked bird – and I don’t mean of the tweezered female lady-girl-woman kind.

And, okay, I know I shouldn’t be too worried about them because I’ve had them for years, and I know exactly what they are (they’re a skin condition called keratosis pilaris), but – for some strange reason – they seem to be getting worse and I don’t know why.

 

keratosis pilaris chicken skin ingrowing hair follicles justcallmeq Q queline

My keratosis pilaris! I know it’s not Christmas but I put it inside a bauble. I thought it best.

 

Could it be that I’m lacking in some kind of vitamin or nutrient maybe? (Mmm, a possibility…)

Am I eating too much of something? (Apart from cake… Please God, don’t make it be cake.)

Or perhaps it’s because my body hasn’t seen a flannel/scrubbing mitt/dry-skin brush for the best part of three decades. (No. That’s far too simple. It couldn’t possibly be that.)

Ah. I know what it is! It’s because I am, in fact, turning into a chicken.

 

ex-battery chicken Semi Floppy Fork Pam BHWT backyard hen justcallmeq Q queline

This chicken has been heavily disguised to protect its identity.

 

Yes. Yes. I knew that if I thought about it logically I’d get there in the end. Ahhh, great. Well, that’s sorted then, isn’t it? I can carry on living my life.

No, wait.

What if someone tries to stick an onion up my bottom and roast me on Gas mark 5?

 

roast chicken keratosis pilaris justcallmeq Q queline chicken skin ingrowing hair follicles

 

Oh, cluck! I hadn’t thought of that.

I think it’s time I started an exfoliating regime.