Just call me q

A woman contemplating life, incognito

I have a foot obsession… I mean confession

Aug
24

 

As you know, I have already revealed that my feet are flat and that I have ginormously big big toes, but here is a list of all the other things that are wrong with my trotters:

1) The rest of my toes are actually quite abnormally long too BUT I have perfected the art of curling them elegantly yet tightly underneath themselves so that they look half their actual length. It’s complete agony but it works.

flat feet athletes foot fungal nail infection big toes justcallmeq Q queline

2) I am the proud owner of a family of veruccae that go back six generations.

3) The ridges in my toenails are deeper than even the deepest Atlantic oceanic trench… but I’ve yet to see an angler fish in them.

cartoon picture angler fish justcallmeq Q queline

4) I have a recurring fungal nail infection that I’m sure, if I got up early enough, I could collect mushrooms from.

fungal nail infection athletes foot cartoon picure justcallmeq Q queline

5) The skin underneath my feet is harder than a mountain goat’s hoof… and just as yellow.

And, finally,

6) I have a bunion the size of a pickled onion; and I’m not talking the silverskin kind.

bunion justcallmeq Q queline

(Look how I have cunningly disguised my bunion

to blend in with the weave of my plastic garden rug..)

 

But the above list is not what I want to confess.

What I want to confess is that I can’t stand touching other people’s feet.

 

YUCK!

Can YOU???

 

My second post: Just a quick Woo-hoo, perhaps? Ok. Maybe not…

Jul
18

Good morning, brave, anonymous and slightly worried me.

Did I give too much away the other night? Oh, I do hope not. I can’t have anyone knowing where my ’emergency’ biscuits are; I simply can’t. I mean, what if a real-life situation requiring instant sugar were ever to occur? How would I survive without my oat crumblies? How?

Waaahhh! Why am I even thinking about my crumblies? I should be panicking about concentrating on staying under the radar so that I can just write whatever I want to write.

But what if people recognize the big botty, horrid hair and terrible trotters combo and decide to ‘out’ me?

 

big botty justcallmeq Q queline

Big botty

messy hair justcallmeq Q queline

Horrid hair

terrible trotters flat feet justcallmeq Q queline

Terrible trotters

Oh, piggy poo poo’s. I can’t let my insecurities ruin it for me – I just can’t. Tomorrow, I write the first thing that comes into my head and we’ll take it from there.

 

My first post! Wooh-hooooo…

Jul
16

 

cake blogging queline justcallmeq Q

 

Ah, that’s it. The hard part’s over. Now that I have my very own space on the worldwide web – where I can anonymously jot down any little thoughts that pop into my head – I can relax. Yes, because no-one knows this is me; no-one knows that I’m here, and no-one is going to come up to me tomorrow morning and say:

1) do you really think about cellulite 15-20 times a day?

2) does your mum mind that you get all your self-help and ‘weirdy’ books delivered to her house and that the postman thinks she’s nuts?

and

3) why do you keep ’emergency’ biscuits in the tumble dryer and, more importantly, WHAT EXACTLY CONSTITUTES AN EMERGENCY?

 

justcallmeq Q queline

 

 

Ahh, this is great, this is. I can say what I like…

Oh, alright then, I will!

“I have a huge bottom.” (Boy, that feels good.)

 

big botty justcallmeq Q queline

 

“My feet are flat and I have ginormously big big toes.” (Wait a mo, will you, while I punch the air with my fist?) Done.

“I have rubbish hair, my eyes don’t work, my thighs undulate and I have a cake addiction so severe that I could probably do with a stint in rehab.”

YEAH! This is just so liberating. I don’t know why I didn’t start a blog years ago. Oh, well. Never mind. I’ve started now and that’s what counts.

Goodnight brave anonymous me. Xx