I know it’s nearly winter but the other day I bought an ice cream and – I’m not joking – it had a face.
I mean, are manufacturers even allowed to sell products like these? It could scare children. Goodness knows it frightened the life out of me.
And I’m not being funny but isn’t putting a face on a choc-ice cruelty to animals in a strange sort of way? I’m a part-time vegetarian and even I felt a bit queasy when I opened the wrapper and out popped this:
As I scrutinized its chocolatey exterior (looking for fur) I wondered why on earth a manufacturer would actually want to take a short-sighted, cylindrical-shaped creature with large claws, small eyes and a penchant for worms and turn it into a frozen treat.
Did they have a mole-shaped mould lurking in the back of their stock-cupboard that needed using up?
I knew that I’d never be able to answer such a myriad of questions before my icey subterranean mammal-on-a-stick melted so I did the only thing that I could do: I ate it. But it felt wrong.