The other night I had a dream and this how it went:
Me: Doc, can you help me? I think I’m having a breakdown.
Doc: Okay, Q. Talk me through your symptoms, why don’t you?
Me: Well, alright.
1) My skin is really dry and I seem to have way more wrinkles than I used to,
2) my legs have lost their muscle definition and my knees are beginning to sag,
3) the skin on my upper arm has lost its elasticity and is beginning to look all crepey and (last one, Doc, and I’m done)
4) it’s getting thinner in all the wrong places (and by that I mean everywhere except for my butt).
Doc: Now, look. Let me stop you right there! These are not the signs of a person experiencing a decline in their… Ugghhh! Just STOP wasting my time, will you, and get OUT of my office RIGHT NOW!
Me: No, no, Doc. I think there’s been a misunderstanding… I’m having a collagen breakdown.
Actually, I didn’t dream this but I’ve been having a few problems with my skin of late and… I know that the break down of collagen is an unavoidable part of the aging process and… I know that we all have to age but I swear that – some – days I can almost see myself decomposing. Oh, where, oh, where will it end?