Just call me q

A woman contemplating life, incognito

What I’ve Learnt About Chickens #2

Jan
25

Keeping hens can be dangerous.

In other words:

They don’t mean to cause you actual bodily harm (well, at least… I don’t think they do), but keeping floof-balls (as I affectionately like to call them*) can sometimes result in serious injury. Oh, I’m not talking broken bones or anything like that – no, you need to keep cows or sheep or some other bulky domestic animal for that to happen – I’m talking cuts and bruises and minor head traumas. 

And, okay, so the cuts and the bruises can be dealt with, can’t they?

The snagging yourself on the pen door as you go in…

The nicking of your finger with the scissors as you open a packet of dried worms…

Even the knocking of your right elbow on the side of the house as you slip on the decking whilst carrying two containers full of sweetcorn while your next-door neighbour smirkingly watches on. (Actually, can you add ‘hurt pride’ to that one, please?)

cartoon picture of person slipping on decking

MINOR HEAD TRAUMAS

But the minor head traumas? Well, they’re serious, you know. Because who’s going to help you when you’re in the pen, tucked round the corner, out of view from everyone (including the nosy neighbour) and you lean forward on your fork to dig up some juicy worms for your cute little chooks and smack your bonce on the handle thus making a mahoosive ‘skin-egg’ form in the middle of your forehead in less time that it takes to actually boil a real egg, hmm? (These things can happen.)

Cartoon picture of hitting head on a fork

SEARCH PARTY

And how long are you going to have to lie there surrounded (and probably being trodden on) by your ‘loved ones’ before your other set of ‘loved ones’ realize that you’re actually missing and send a search party out to look for you, eh? (I wish I could answer this for you. Oh, hang on a minute. I can. It’s 37 mins & 56 seconds precisely and even then they didn’t send anyone who could actually help. Naming no names.)

cartoon picture of hen-keeper falling down in the hen pen

 

BULGING ‘SKIN-EGG’

And six months down the line, when the bulging ‘skin-egg’ has flattened down and the rich purple has finally returned to its pasty off-white, will you even remember that the whole horrid incident actually happened? (Well, it was a head injury, don’t forget. Loss of memory can come with… I’ve forgotten what I was going to say now. Oh, well, never mind…)

So, anyway, yes – like I said before – keeping hens can be dangerous but (and I mean this wholeheartedly)

They’re great!

* Sometimes!

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